Kitchen Fails: Laughing Through the Chaos
Jan 16, 2025
I decided to write a blog on ‘Things Not to Do in the Kitchen’ after I was reflecting on all the ‘not perfect’ things that have happened to me in the kitchen (okay, my flatmates for the noise and fire alarm – but in all honesty, I’ve set off the fire alarm as well). Hey, if you can’t laugh about it, what’s the point?! š
And how does this help me live my Best Life, I hear you ask? Well, firstly, it gives you a list of things NOT to do. And secondly, it gives you a good laugh! š
The kitchen is the heart of the home, but let’s be real - it’s also a minefield of potential disasters. Whether you’re a seasoned cook, or someone who barely manages toast, we’ve all had moments where things go hilariously (or tragically) wrong. Here’s a funny guide to what NOT to do in the kitchen, divided into sections for easy reading – and laughing.
The Stove and Oven Chronicles
- Set It and Forget It — Starting oatmeal/porridge, walking away, and leaving it to turn into a crust that, while firm, crispy, and tasty, isn’t very substantial, or what you were after. Sure, it’s delicious (and who knew you could make the most perfect crust with just oats, milk and water in a saucepan?), but it’s not very filling, so you’re going to have to create another meal anyway.
- Custard Catastrophe — Cooking custard from scratch with gluten-free flours? Great idea. Washing the dishes while it cooks itself into lumpy chaos? Not so much. Custard is needy. It demands your undivided attention.
- Timer Trouble — If your oven requires the timer to be turned on separately to cook, turn it on. Also, no, setting the timer alone does not magically bake your food. You’re basically just running a countdown to disappointment.
- Oops, I Burned It Again — Start cooking, walk away for "just a second," and forget all about it. The result? A meal so "well done" even the smoke alarm is impressed. Pro tip — smoke alarms don’t make great sous chefs. (And the 3 photos of burnt food further down in this blog? Not mine! Isn’t that great?! š)
- Alarm Adventure - Did you know that if you cook beef, garlic, and herb sausages in the air fryer, for even a 2-3 minutes, that they smoke the house out, and set off the alarm yet again? And they weren't even burnt!! š (Again, not mine! š)
- Multitasking Mishaps — Talking on your phone while taking a hot tray out of the oven might seem like a time-saver. Until you burn your hand, and have to explain to your friend why you just screamed into their ear.
- Gas Stove Shenanigans — Turning on the gas burner while leaving the window open is a guaranteed way to make sure your flame goes out. Cooking with gas? More like not cooking with gas.
Cupboard Calamities
- Knife Adventures — Storing sharp knives tip-up in the pantry? Brilliant... if you enjoy repeatedly pricking your hand while blindly rummaging around for something else. Ouch.
- The Salt Shake Showdown — Pouring all the salt in your shaker onto roasted veggies might seem like a bold flavor choice, but trust me, salty potatoes won’t win any culinary awards. Less is more. (Even if you really like salt, like I do.) Trust me on this.
- The Garlic Overload — Buying a 10kg bag of peeled garlic and using a "healthy dose" without turning on the fan will leave your house smelling like a vampire’s worst nightmare for days. Good luck explaining that to guests.
Rubbish Bin Disasters
- Jar Drop Drama — Dropping heavy glass jars into a plastic rubbish bin, and expecting the liner to protect it? Newsflash — it won’t. The jar breaks, the liner tears, and your evening is now a clean-up mission. (That one wasn’t me – the joys of living with others. š)
- The Leaky Bin Blues — Using a cracked plastic bin for liquid waste is like setting up an insect buffet in your kitchen. That sauce will drip through, pool on the floor, and attract every bug in the neighborhood. Yum.
Late-Night Laughs
- The Midnight Chef — Cooking a noisy three-course meal at 2 or 3 a.m. might make you feel like a culinary rebel, but your flatmates won’t share your enthusiasm. Sleep-deprived rage is real. (Don’t ask.) (And especially don’t ask if it’s multiple times a week. In the same week.)
- Saucepan Symphony — Dropping saucepans in the sink at 1 a.m. is a fantastic way to test your neighbors’ patience. Bonus points if you wake the entire household in the process. (Light sleepers might not be your best friend in the morning. Be warned.)
Meal Prep Misadventures
- The Veggie Timing Fail — Cooking all your veggies first, only to leave them cold while the protein leisurely cooks, is a rookie mistake. Cold broccoli isn’t anyone’s idea of a good time. (And while you can eat the veggies first, the protein on its own? Not so great.)
Random Acts of Chaos
- Too Much Noise — Starting a blender, food processor, or coffee grinder while someone’s trying to nap, or work from home, is a surefire way to make enemies. Bonus points if they’re on a video call.
- Cleaning "Shortcuts" — Using steel wool on non-stick pans? Congratulations, you now own a very scratched-up pan, and possibly a side of toxic chemicals in your next meal.
- Highly Desirable Foods — Leaving highly desirable foods (such as manuka honey, or good quality cold pressed extra virgin olive oil) unprotected, so they can be ravaged by marauders? Not a smart move. (I was told going forward to take photos before I go on holidays, so I can prove it. š)
Final Words of Wisdom
The kitchen is a place for creativity, nourishment, and occasional chaos. While some mishaps are inevitable, others are entirely avoidable (and let’s be honest, hilarious in hindsight). Take these lessons to heart, and may your culinary adventures be slightly less disastrous – and a lot more fun!
FAQs— Your Kitchen Mishaps Questions Answered
Q — Can I multitask while cooking?
A — You can... but do you want to eat burnt toast or lumpy custard?
Q — What should I do if I spill salt?
A — Sweep it up! (Or pick each salt crystal out individually.) And maybe do the "throw over the shoulder" superstition just in case.
Q — How do I remember food in the oven?
A — Set timers, alarms, or ask your neighbour to shout at you every 10 minutes.
Q — Is 10kg of garlic ever a good idea?
A — Not unless you’re opening a vampire repellent shop.
Q — What’s the best way to store knives?
A — Tip down, please. Save your hands the trouble.
p.s. If you are interested in learning about whole foods (including whole food supplements), as well as some great health boosting ideas, you might be interested in our Busy Life Health Boost Bundle. It has everything you need to boost your health — even with a busy life!
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