How to Manage Your Emotions (Without Feeling Overwhelmed)

Emotions – we all have them.  But have you ever felt like your emotions were running the show?  One moment you're calm, and the next you’re snapping at someone, or crying for no clear reason?  While it’s not a fun feeling, you're not alone — we all have big feelings sometimes.  

I remember many years ago, when I was much younger, I was in a small boat with a few people, and some of them were being, let’s say, less than nice.  While I reacted a bit, my friend paused, took some time to consider her response, and then responded in a calm and measured way, while still getting her point across.  It stopped them cold.  I was in awe – how did she do that?!

Turns out, managing your emotions can be learned.  Yes, we will still have emotions, and sometimes they may feel quite strong – however, there are a number of tools and practices that can help us manage them, so we feel more in control.  (And really, who doesn’t want to feel in control of their own emotions?)  And once we have this skill, and practice managing our emotions, it can make a huge difference in our lives.

Why Is Managing Your Emotions Important?

As you know, emotions are a natural part of being human.  But even though everybody has emotions, some people manage them better than others.

Managing emotions is a skill that you can learn and develop - so if you’d like to manage your emotions better, there are techniques you can use, so you feel more in control of your emotions, rather than have them control you.  And even if you don’t reach the level you would like to, even if you’re able to control them a bit more than you currently can, it’s still a worthwhile practice.  After all, the people around you can be impacted by your emotions as well, so in addition to helping you feel more in control, it also helps those around you.  (Because we’ve all been on the end of a rant, and it’s not much fun, really, is it?)

Emotions can be useful in helping us understand ourselves better, as well as the world around us.  If we notice our feelings, and ask questions, they can help us – they can help us clarify our beliefs, and values, for a start - although questions can also help us understand our emotions.  (We have a free download with a checklist and journal prompts to help you with your emotions, as well as a free course, The Values Code: Unlocking Your Best Self, which can help you consciously choose your own personal values.)

If your emotions are always in charge, things can get messy.  You could feel out of control, or overwhelmed, and regretful when things calm down.  Other people can get their feelings hurt, impacting relationships.  You can have lots of drama around you, which gets exhausting and confusing.

When you manage your emotions, you:

• Feel calmer, and more in control
• Communicate better with others
• Make healthier decisions
• Feel less stressed, or overwhelmed
• Build stronger relationships
• Sleep better, and stay more focused

It’s not about ignoring your feelings — it’s about learning to understand them, so they don’t control your life.  You can still feel your feelings — it’s more about processing them, and learning from them, and managing them.  We have provided a free checklist and journal prompt guide to help you with this, as we understand it can be stressful, overwhelming and confusing to navigate without the right tools and techniques. 

So How Do You Actually Manage Your Emotions?

Below are 12 examples you can try, to see which tools and techniques work best for you.  As everyone is different, you can try them all, and determine which combinations help you manage your emotions best.  It could even be that some work best if you’re angry, while others work better if you’re sad.  You get to experiment, and discover which tools and techniques work best for you. 

1. Pause and Breathe

When a strong emotion shows up — like anger, sadness, or anxiety — take a moment to pause.  Take a few slow, deep breaths.  This helps calm your nervous system, and gives you space to respond, not just react.  The following pranayama (breathing from the yogic tradition) can be very calming, to the mind and the body.

Try box breathing

Inhale for 4 counts.
Hold for 4 counts.
Exhale for 4 counts.
Repeat 3–4 times.

2. Name the Feeling

Putting a name to your emotion helps you understand it.  Ask yourself:  What am I feeling right now?  Angry?  Disappointed?  Nervous?  Excited?

This gives your brain clarity, and helps you choose the next step more wisely, from a place of understanding, rather than pure emotion.

3. Check the Story You’re Telling Yourself

Sometimes we get upset not just because of what happened — but because of what we think it means.

For example:

• Your friend doesn’t reply to your message.
• You tell yourself, “She must be mad at me.”
• Now you feel hurt or anxious.

But maybe she’s just busy.  Ask yourself:  Is this thought really true?  You might feel better just by shifting the story.  (I know in the past I’ve told myself the above story – but then  found out it wasn’t true, and that the story I told myself was just that – a story.  So rather than go down that rabbit hole (which may not even be true), I try to notice when I start to tell myself a story, and try to stop it before it gets any further.  I’ve gotten better at this over the years.)

4. Move Your Body

Physical movement helps emotions move through your body.  It can be a quick walk, dancing to your favorite song, doing yoga, or even stretching. 

(There are some great options on YouTube – songs, yoga classes, stretching, etc., if you don’t want to go outside.  I always loved going for a run when I was feeling a strong emotion – it was great to use the anger or frustration to fuel my run – especially if I had some heavy music to keep me company, as I often ran faster – or else sang while I was running, and tired myself out!)  🏃‍♀️ 🎵 😅

Movement doesn’t just help your body — it helps your mood, too.  (I usually felt as if I’d spent the emotion during the run, and felt more peaceful and relaxed by the time I returned.)

5. Journaling

Writing down your feelings gets them out of your head, and onto the page.  This can help you see what’s really going on, and how you might handle it better.

You don’t need to write perfectly.  Just let your thoughts flow.  Even 5–10 minutes can help.

I know when I’ve done this while feeling strong emotions, writing whatever I’m feeling (in a messy, not perfect way, just getting it all out), I’ve discovered that the underlying thought or belief is something that I wasn’t consciously aware of.  And once I knew what the underlying thought was, I was able to work through it (usually various tools, including logic, affirmations, etc.) and then let it go.  Otherwise we can stew on what happened for quite some time, without getting to the bottom of it, and working through it.  Journaling can also release the emotion onto the page, so it feels a little less intense.

6. Talk to Someone You Trust

Sometimes just saying how you feel helps you feel better.  Find a friend, family member, or coach who will listen without judging.

You're not weak for asking for support — you're strong for taking care of yourself.

I’ve certainly done this – in fact I still do this.  It’s great to have a trusted friend or family member to discuss emotions with, so you can work through them.  Sometimes I’ve worked it out myself while talking it over, while other times they have suggested something that helped me work it out.  Other times just the talking itself was enough to dissipate it, and/or let it go.

You can also talk to a professional, such as a counsellor or psychologist, as they are trained to help people work through emotions.  Whatever works for you is great – there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ - the goal is to manage your emotions, so you feel more in control, and feel more peaceful in yourself, and your life.

7. Do Something That Feels Good

When emotions feel heavy, do something kind for yourself.  Listen to calming music, drink a cup of tea, sit in nature, cuddle a pet, or take a warm shower. 

These small acts of self-care help soothe your nervous system.

While these might seem like simple actions, each of these activities can be considered an act of self-love.  And self-love includes looking after yourself – which can help you relax, and in turn, allow you to be calmer - to yourself, and to others.  (If you could do with more self-love, our Glow Within bundle is just what you need!)

8. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness means paying attention to the present moment, without judging it.  Even just sitting quietly for a few minutes, and noticing your breath (and the sights and/or sounds around you) can help.

There are some great apps and YouTube videos that guide you through short mindfulness practices, although just spending some time alone, taking notice of what is around you, especially in nature, works well too.  Sitting outside with a cup of tea, focusing on the drink, and the birds, and trees, is a great mindfulness practice. 

Keeping your thoughts focused on the present moment is a practice which is very helpful and useful – and it gets easier the more you practice.

The Japanese have something called shinrin-yoku, or forest bathing, which involves mindfulness in nature – and there are studies backing up the benefits of this.  (I’ve included some links below for reference, and further information.)

9. Use Affirmations

Affirmations are kind words you say to yourself — like mini pep talks.  I’ve used these for years.  I created a few, which I tend to use whenever I feel the need eg. if I’m getting angry, or feeling a bit down — and I’ve discovered over the years that they can help.  I often repeat affirmations over and over when I catch myself going down a negative path.  (Note I don’t do this all the time – if it’s a new strong emotion, that I need to process or understand, I will do that instead.  However affirmations can be useful for distracting yourself from stories that you’re making up, or from dwelling on something that is over and done, and just making you feel bad.)

You can create your own affirmations, depending on what you need most.  There are a few you can try below, to get you started, but feel free to adjust to something that feels right for you.  Keep repeating them when you need it.  The more you use them, the more they will work.  (It’s like each time you say it is a drop of water – one drop is not a big deal, but the more you say it, the more you can connect with it.  Over time, and if said with feeling, it can create a new neural pathway in your brain, as well, which can help re-wire your brain from ‘negative’ to ‘positive’.  I’ve included a link below, in case you wish to investigate this further.)

• “This feeling is temporary. I can handle it.”
• “I am safe and supported.”
• “It’s okay to feel this. It’s okay to let it go.”

10. Rest and Sleep

It’s hard to manage emotions when you’re tired.  Try to get enough rest, even if that means taking short breaks during the day.  Sleep helps your body and brain reset and refresh.

There are some natural products that can assist with sleep, if you need them, such as flower essences, or creams.  There is also something called ‘Bach Rescue Remedy’, if you’d like to explore this further (I’ve included a link below for further reading if you are interested).  You can also see a professional for assistance around this, such as an aromatherapist, or a medical professional. 

If you struggle with resting and sleep, and feel guilty that you’re not ‘doing something’, our blog How to Find the Perfect Balance Between Rest and Productivity provides a number of techniques you can try, so you can work out the best tools for you.

11. Get Creative

Drawing, painting, singing, or writing poetry — even if you don’t think you’re “good” at it — can help you express emotions in a healthy way.

Now, I haven’t told many people this, but for a while I wrote lyrics to songs when I was feeling strong emotions.  I haven’t done it for a while, but I really enjoyed it.  Will any of my lyrics be the next number 1 hit?  Hmm, not sure – especially as nobody has really seen them!!  🤣  But it did feel good, to express my emotions in a creative way.  😊

12. Practice Gratitude

Taking time to notice what’s going well in your life helps balance the tough emotions.  Each day, write down 3 things you’re grateful for, no matter how small.

You might like to create a ‘gratitude journal’, to keep the practice going, and to review them when you’re feeling down.  Oprah Winfrey has stated that she kept a gratitude journal for a decade (link to what she learned below), and that it helped focus her mind on the positive, and feel the joy in the small things in life.

Final Thoughts

Your emotions are not your enemy — they’re messengers.  They’re trying to tell you something.  When you learn to listen to them, understand them, and take kind action, you build emotional strength.  The more your practice managing your emotions, using whatever tools and techniques work best for you, the easier it becomes, and the stronger you become in managing your emotions.  That strength helps you feel calmer, more balanced, and more empowered to live your Best Life.

To further help you in your journey to manage your emotions well, we’ve created a free checklist and journal prompt document.  These free pages will give you a checklist to keep you on track, and some journal prompts to help you understand your emotions, and the underlying beliefs and values, so you understand yourself and your emotions better.

You don’t have to get it perfect. Just start where you are, and take one small step at a time. 💜

References/Further Reading

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9665958/  

https://environhealthprevmed.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12199-019-0822-8

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-10-21/beginners-guide-to-japanese-forest-bathing/10369284

https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2019/jun/08/forest-bathing-japanese-practice-in-west-wellbeing

https://engage.healthynursehealthynation.org/blogs/40/4866#:~:text=Repeating%20positive%20affirmations%20and%20thoughts,the%20core%20values%20they%20represent.

https://www.bachflower.com/rescue-remedy-information/

https://www.oprah.com/spirit/oprahs-gratitude-journal-oprah-on-gratitude

❓ FAQs – Managing Your Emotions ❓

Q - Why is it important to manage your emotions?
A- Managing emotions helps you feel calmer, make better decisions, and enjoy healthier relationships.  Managing your emotions supports your mental, emotional, and physical well-being.

Q - What happens if I ignore my emotions?
A - Bottled-up emotions can build up, and lead to stress, anxiety, and/or even physical health issues.  It's much healthier to notice, and gently work through, your feelings, in whatever way works best for you.

Q - How do I start managing my emotions when I feel overwhelmed?
A - Start small. Take a deep breath, name the emotion you're feeling, and try one gentle step like journaling, stretching, or saying a calming affirmation.  We’ve also created a free checklist and journal prompt document to get you started. 

Q - Are there tools that really help with emotional regulation?
A - Yes! Deep breathing, mindfulness, journaling, gentle movement, talking to someone you trust, and positive affirmations are all powerful tools.

Q - Can managing my emotions help improve my relationships?
A - Absolutely! When you understand your emotions, you can express yourself more clearly, and respond to others with more patience and kindness.  People will feel safer around you (emotionally), and over time, will be more likely to open up to you.

Q - What if I feel emotions really strongly?
A - Feeling deeply isn’t a bad thing.  It means you care.  The key is learning how to move through those feelings in a way that supports your well-being, and doesn’t impact the people around you.  We’ve outlined a number of tools and techniques that you can use, and also provided a free checklist and journal prompt document to help you in your journey. 

🌿 Disclaimer

This blog post is for informational and inspirational purposes only.  It is not intended to replace professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment.  If you are experiencing severe emotional distress, mental health concerns, or a crisis, please reach out to a qualified healthcare provider or mental health professional.  Always listen to your own needs and seek support when you need it. 💜